Sigh.

You know, while living our life this past month has been hard, I can honestly say that I really trust God completely. I trust that He has a purpose and a plan(Jeremiah 29:11) for Josh and I and our kids and I praise Him for it, all of it, even the stuff I don't see yet, especially the stuff I don't see yet.
But trusting doesn't mean I don't still feel it. Because I'm feeling it today. Today was hard and sad, but at the same time I am so grateful that we are here and going through this in an environment where Gracie is safe.
I'm reminded of Joseph in the Old Testament when his brothers threw him in a pit and traded him into slavery. Joseph couldn't see the big picture, but God did. And because of that pit he was able to serve the Lord in an even greater capacity and God used him to eventually save the very brothers that threw him into the pit in the first place.
Joseph's God is my God. He is the same yesterday today and forever(Hebrews 13:8) and I am so grateful for that. And grateful that I can trust Him, whether or not I'm in the pit or out. Regardless of my circumstances He is still God. His gifts and mercies are so far beyond what I can imagine and when I focus on that I find joy. He is the constant, not me, not my circumstances.
Thanks for bearing with me as I blurt out what I've been processing and feeling today. I'm so glad that God shows He cares when it hurts and when its hard. I felt God's arms around me tonight when our friend Julie came to the door with 3 full meals for us this week. Amazing. To be able to sit down with my guys and have a home cooked meal, during my 1 1/2 hour break is wonderful. I also saw God's hand on Gracie today when he gave us the PERFECT nurse, Susan. She was such a wonderful advocate for us and fought for little Grace when she wasn't doing so well. And sure enough her hard work paid off.
After many tests it looks like Grace has an infection. So, she is back on her feeding tube and she has an IV on her head. She was such a trooper through all of her tests. She even looked happy when I was holding her tonight. She is amazing, never seeming to complain even though she has ridiculous hardware attached to her entire body.
Again, there are a million and one things I'm thankful for including the fact that she came down with this infection/virus here and not at home. But that will have to be tomorrow's blog. :)Praise the Lord that we made it through today and I have a beautiful pillow waiting for me. :)